Open letter of apology to Nestor (and drugs)/ Javno izvinjenje Nestoru (i drogama)

Some of you might know that my pregnancy with Nestor was accompanied by regular trips to the bathroom due to  the inability to keep food down. It started together with my “regular” first trimester nausea but stayed long after the “regular” one was gone. Towards the end there were days where I could litterally not keep anything down. It was not good. Mark and I thought this was purely pregnancy related and (half) jokingly ordered our unborn child that in order to make up for all the suffering he/she would have to arrive potty trained and sleeping through the night (with the accent on the second one).  So Mili got all the blame. The doctors thought the same, I got some medication to help it, which did nothing and eventually was told that it is “gewoon normaal” (just normal) and I have to live with it until the baby arrives. Fast forward to a few weeks after Nestor’s birth, my symptoms are not getting any better. This is where a whole bunch of tests start and it turns out that it was not my poor baby to blame but a rare esophagus disorder. If nothing, his stay inside could not have been very pleasant due to my malnutrition which is is probably why he decided to come 2 weeks early, as soon as he was cooked enough. Sorry my sweet boy, this gives you a free pass for coming home late when you hit your teenage years.

The second part of apology comes from the difference in experience I had with the first endoscopy a couple of months back and the intervention I had yesterday also involving a probe stuck down your throat but some other stuff too (I will spare you the details). The first one I played brave and did not even take local anesthesia (mostly because of breastfeeding and not knowing that you can breastfeed even after general anesthesia) and boy do I regret it. I told Mark after the procedure that I would rather give birth, twice, than go through this again. For the intervention yesterday I was told I would be given the “roesje” (which is some sort of light narcosis, so not general anesthesia but it makes you drowsy and you remember little to nothing of the procedure). Thank goodness.  All I remember is the doctors yelling at me at some point “no madam, no, keep breathing, keep breathing” and that was it. Last night I slept from 6pm to 7am this morning. Total bliss, especially for somebody who has not slept through the night for 7 months. Mark says I fed Nestor 3 times in those 12 hours but I don’t remember any of it. I am still a bit dizzy and am not allowed to drive/cook/do anything that requires concentration for 24 hours so I am in bed, enjoying a day of leisure. Thank you drugs. I am still happy I could have given birth to Nestor without drugs (not that there was time for any anyway), it was such an amazing experience and I am glad I was fully aware of his first moments in my arms but for any other occassion when people in white coats are involved – bring on the drugs. Again, as a friend of mine, Maca, says: “If they offer drugs to you in Holland you take them!” (not the coffeeshop kind mind you :))

***

Kao sto je svima vec poznato, moja trudnoca sa Nestorom je bila ne bas prijatno iskustvo kao posledica nemogucnosti da zadrzim hranu. Prvo sam mislila da je to normalna trudnicka mucnina, ali i kad je prestala mucnina, izbacivanje hrane je ostalo. I mi i doktori smo mislili da je to ipak vezano za trudnocu pa smo Mark i ja pola u sali pola u zbilji zapretili nerodjenoj bebi da ako hoce da se iskupi za to sto me mucio/la ce morati da spava citavu  noc od dana 1. Kad se nakon Nestorovog rodjenja situacija nije popravila, svima je pocela da se pali lampica da mozda Nestor nema veze sa tim. Gomila testova i ispostavilo se da sve to nema veze sa sirotim Nestorom nego sa retkim poremecajem jednjaka. Ako nista, siroti Nestor se i sam sigurno namucio u mom slabo hranjenom organizmu, zbog cega je i odlucio da izadje cim je bio dovoljno jak, sa 38 nedelja.

A drugo  izvinjenje proizilazi iz jucerasnjeg iskustva, kad je trebalo da urade intervenciju da tretiraju taj nesrecni poremecaj.  Jedan od testova za dijagnozu je bio endoskopija, ako ne znate sta je to – srecni ste. To divno iskustvo ukljucuje gutanje sonde kojom vam onda dzaraju po digestivnom traktu. Toliko je prijatno koliko i zvuci. I ja sam se jos pravila hrabra (citaj glupa) pa sam trazila da mi se to radi cak i bez lokalne anestezije (ruku na srce to sam najvise trazila zbog dojenja, jer tad nisam znala da cak i posle totalne anestezije moze bez problema da se doji). Zato sam kad su mi zakazali ovu operaciju koja se takodje radi sa sondom i jos par dodatnih pomagala (postedecu vas groznih detalja) i kad su mi rekli da cu dobiti laku narkozu (nije totalna anestezija ali je pacijent u polusnu i obicno se nicega ne seca posle  operacije) malcice odahnula. Rezultat – nemam pojma sta su mi radili, jedino se secam da su u jednoom trenutku vikali na mene “ne, gospodjo, ne, disite, disite” i to je to. Sinoc sam spavala od 6 uvece do pola 7 jutros, Mark kaze da sam 3 puta hranila Nestora – nicega se ne secam. Uzivancija, posebno za nekoga ko nije ljudski spavao 7.5 meseci. I posto mi nije dozvoljeno da 24 sata vozim/kuvam/radim ista sto iziskuje koncentraciju, danas se izlezavam i uzivam u danu odmora.  I sve to zahvaljujuci anesteziji :). I iako mi je i dalje drago sto sam Nestorov porodjaj prosla bez “droga”, za bilo koju drugu priliku koja ukljucuje ljude u belim mantilima – samo donesite “droge”. Sto bi rekla moja drugarica Maca, “ako ti u Holandiji nude droge – prihvataj” (ovo se odnosi  na medicinske droge, ne one koje se uglavnom povezuju sa Holandijom :)).

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “Open letter of apology to Nestor (and drugs)/ Javno izvinjenje Nestoru (i drogama)

  1. Pingback: The zombi year « Three words for everything

  2. Sounds like a well deserved day of leisure after some unpleasantness! 😦 I hope you are feeling better soon! xoxoxox

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